Hummm. Wonder how I celebrate with my clients. I shall ponder this. Thank you.

W!

It’s o.k. to realize that you can be flexible. Sometimes a challenge to authority is valid. Sometimes a child needs the rules to be flexed in order to maintain homeostasis….We aren’t raising little soldiers…we are raising human beings that need room to grow into adults that are flexible, able to admit fault, and who are comfortable with the fact that rules can be changed if need be.

But on the other hand K.D., being a parent goes much deeper than just setting rules and enforcing them. Rules without relationship result in rebellion! If a parent spends more time and effort on the relationship, that parent’s children are less likely to break the rules. Also, your suggestion on throwing a party over the child’s grades is not healthy. This can be a dangerous move to train a child to become externally motivated and not internally motivated. Good words of affirmation and acknowledgement for their hard work is certianly good, but over doing it will teach a child to connect her grades to external rewards. Not a healthy message to give her. You want her to learn for the love of learning, not for the huge party that will come, because what will happen if you can’t keep the parties and rewards coming? She could ultimately give up her drive and give up on her love of learning. We don’t want our children working hard for the external reward, we want them working hard because they want to do it for themselves.