What Are You Teaching Your Child When You Celebrate?

Did you know that Jamie Lee Curtis quit drinking because she thought it was teacher her children the wrong message? We all know she had her problems with drug abuse, and how it caused problems in her life and her career. She then put that past her, and lived what seems to be an honest and caring life, writing children’s books dealing with rough issues like how to fit in.

 

However, at some point, she decided to quit drinking. Ms. Curtis said that she realized that she was teaching her daughter that she drank when she celebrated, and was afraid that her daughter would go off as a teenager and drink to celebrate her milestones.

 

In my book “Parenting By Example,” I talk about how important it is to be consistent, and a good role model. It’s not easy to look at yourself and the choices that you make unconsciously. However, it’s better to look at what you’re doing now, and be honest with your family rather than deal with the consequences of your child dying because they were celebrating, and overdid it.

 

Every year, kids in fraternities die because they don’t know enough not to over-drink. They’re celebrating starting college, or celebrating midterms being over, or celebrating getting good grades.

And they learned it from you. They saw you pulling out the champagne for anniversaries, or birthdays, or holiday celebrations.

 

I’m not saying don’t drink or celebrate. What I am saying is that the focus of the celebration should not be on the alcohol. And it is important to talk with your child about the consequences of drinking.

 

What are some other ways you could celebrate milestones and holidays without alcohol?

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Are You A Person of Your Word?

Every January we make promises and plans of what we expect to accomplish in the coming year. We make resolutions and vows to keep them. But how often do we actually accomplish it? And with each failure to keep them, what are we teaching our children?

 

As you know education is very important to me and I came across an article about the way the Founders of our country were educated. And one thing that really stood out for me was this concept of Say-Hear-Do-See. In a nutshell, first we speak our intentions, then we hear ourselves speak our intentions, from there we do what we say and see the results.

 

This brought the concept of being “a man of my word” sharply to focus. For all the chatting, texting, speaking, and videos how many of us are really people of our word? When you speak a promise or your intention, how often do you actually follow through?

 

As a culture, we are more apt to make excuses for why we don’t do what we say. And worst yet, in many cases people have other people who give them excuses for their lack of honor. If you’re a parent you’ve probably heard them. 

 

“Billy, why didn’t you do better on this test? Didn’t you study?”

 

• “Sure mom I studied, but that teacher just isn’t very fair. “
• “That teacher’s mean and gives too much homework. “
• “And I don’t think she likes me …”

 

And the list goes on. Nowadays, we have doctors and psychologists who have ready-made excuses for why children aren’t doing the things that need to be done.  Now, I’m not saying that there are no conditions that are genetic in nature that may cause behavioral problems. What I am saying is that just because a child has a “diagnosis” of ADD or ADHD or whatever is not an excuse for bad behavior, disrespect and a marked lack of responsibility. It may take more work or structure to help a child bring their behavior in check, but it is not impossible. Unfortunately many parents take that diagnosis as an excuse not to provide the loving discipline that the child needs.

 

So, what’s to be done about this epidemic of excuses? Well, for one thing, parents need to pay careful attention to what comes out of their mouths. If you make it a daily practice to think before you speak and once you have spoken to do what you said, you will be setting a fine example for your children. This is not an easy task, but a necessary one if you want to raise children who feel honor-bound to keep their word no matter what. So, if you promise to do something with your children, even if it is inconvenient for, you have to follow through. Showing that you are a person of your word fosters a bond of trust between both you and your child. It will also make you, as a parent, more thoughtful about the things that you say to your children.

 

Once you become the parent who is honorable and trustworthy you are well on your way of developing a child who will display these qualities as well throughout their lives. So remember SAY — HEAR — DO — SEE the results of your good example. Parenting by example is just another way to give your child their best chance at remaining drug-free. 

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

WANTED! Parents Who Care

You’d think that would be everyone, wouldn’t you? You’d think it would even be you. But look in a mirror and ask yourself:

 * Am I a consistent parent?

 * Am I a positive role model?

 As a parent who cares, it’s important to set boundaries that are appropriate for each child, and consistently enforce them. When you say, “No snacks before dinner,” and they palm some crackers, do you let it go because you don’t think it’s worth making an issue? Well, if you didn’t think it was an issue, then why did you set out a boundary? If you did think it was important enough to have a boundary, then it’s important enough to follow through with the consequences such as no dessert, or not TV after dinner.

 

The kids are watching us closely. If we tell them that there’s a boundary, then we need to enforce it consistently. Otherwise, we need to be clear with them and ourselves that there is no boundary. Think first before setting down a rule, and then make sure you follow up.

Also, ensure that the consequences are consistent with the violation. You don’t want to go overboard and ground him for a week for palming the crackers. Also, ensure that the consequence is connected to the rule. For example, if you caught your daughter cheating on a test, you may want to have her write you a ten page report on cheating, but you wouldn’t take away dessert or allowance for a month because it’s not connected back to the lesson that you’re trying to teach.

 

Also, don’t forget to reward the good. If you tell your child that good grades and education are important, and they’re on the honor roll for three quarters, have a party. Let your child know how much you appreciate their hard work. Plus, rewarding good behavior is far more fun for everyone. Don’t shy away from being tough on the consequences just because it’s not fun. It’s part of your job as a caring parent.

 

And make sure you look in that mirror regularly. If you told your child not to cheat, what are they going to think when you call the credit card company and tell them that it was their mistake that they didn’t properly credit your account and ask for a refund of the late fee when the whole family knows you were late in sending the payment?

Or sees you hiding some shoes you bought when both you and your spouse agreed that you wouldn’t spend any more money for awhile.

 

Be the parent who cares. Doing the tough stuff now is far easier than trying to fix the problems later.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Making Right Choices

Making Right Choices

What would you do if a judge told you that there was a possibility of not seeing the light of day for the next 25 years? What would you do if you had a wife and young son that were now being snatched away from you because of your own actions? How do you dry a mother’s tears who is seeing her son as if she were looking at him for the last time?

These are questions that no one should have to answer, let alone face in real life. But the truth is that it is happening everyday in our communities. Young men are making bad choices daily that are affecting the rest of their lives in an awful way. The rate of incarceration within our young population is on the rise. Something has to be done.

I decided to start a blog to chronicle my travels throughout the country and share my thoughts on a variety of topics I speak about to hundreds of folks who lives I motivate to Make The Right Choices which in turns inspires me to continue doing the work that I do.

I invite you to share your thoughts and commentary here on my new blog as we sojourn together along this path of “turning unlimited possibilities into unlimited success” to corporations, churches and our youth.

Be sure to check out my website: www.KDHardy.com

Making a Difference

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