How Do I Keep My Teenager Away from Drugs? Spend Quality Time Together

In working with teens, I hear time and time again that teens wish their parents would spend more time with them. Are you listening parents? Your teen is asking you to spend more time with them.

How can we spend more time together?

1. Family meals. How often are you eating together? Are you spending one meal a day eating with your family? Get your teen involved. Ask them to help in meal planning. Give them a chore – such as setting the table. Even better, maybe they enjoy cooking. Give them the reigns once or twice a week. Put them in charge of dinner and see what they can cook.

2. Exercise. Many teens are lacking in the exercise department. Ask your teen to take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner. This will give you some one-on-one time to talk. And exercise also raises your body’s endorphin levels which has a very positive effect on mood.

3. Praise your teen. When you catch your teen doing something right or making a good choice, praise them. Tell them that you’re impressed with their decision or hard work in school. Be specific and sincere. They may be embarrassed by the compliment, but it’ll go a long way to bolstering their self-esteem.

4. Encourage your teen to read. Find out what their interests are. Take a ride to the book store. Offer to buy them a book. If they have difficulty with reading, maybe they would prefer a magazine, stick with ones that are skill or hobby related – cars, horses or something of that nature, not gossip magazines. Reading feeds the mind the way that food feeds the body. If you have a reluctant reader or just want a change of pace, visit the library and take out a few audiobooks and listen to them in the car together. It’ll give you something extra to discuss and enjoy together.

5. Encourage your teen to work. It is rewarding to have a job and receive a pay check. Then your teen can also learn financial responsibility. However in today’s market, teens are the hardest hit in difficulty finding a job. If your teen is hitting a wall with finding a job, suggest an entrepreneurial adventure, such as lawn cutting, landscaping or babysitting. There are also online businesses they can make money in such as selling items on Ebay or if they are crafty, perhaps opening an Etsy store to sell their creations. The two of you could work together on a plan or a business.

6. Volunteer. If finding a job or an entrepreneurial adventure is unsuccessful, suggest a volunteer opportunity. It may be something the two of you can do together. Find something they are interested in. You want to keep them busy. When your teens volunteer, they will learn skills, network and help others. There are a variety of volunteer opportunities that you can find online from the United Way

So many teenagers say they use drugs because they are “bored.” Don’t let your teen become one of the statistics. Spend time with your teen. Help them discover and use their interests and talents to help themselves build and live a successful and happy life.

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Teach Your Teens How to Manage Stress

Are your teens under stress? You bet! Stress is one of the reasons that teens begin using drugs and/or alcohol. Throughout their careers as students they are subject to high anxiety during school finals, important sports events or just because they feel that they can’t meet their family’s expectations. When you add peer pressure and the natural desire to fit in as their bodies and minds are transitioning from childhood to adulthood (and all that entails) you can see why teenagers might easily fall into the trap of instant gratification and escape through drugs.

As parents it’s our responsibility to teach our children the best ways to handle the things that life throws at them. Here are some tips on how to best help your teenagers through this turbulent time of life:

1. Know Your Teen. It is important to be familiar of your teen’s behavior so that you can help them before their stress levels become overwhelming. Stress affects people in many different ways. Some teens may experience health issues such as stomach aches, headaches, backaches or insomnia. Other people become angry, have intense mood swings, isolate themselves from other, or suffer from depression. Others may exhibit poor concentration, panic attacks, confusion, or be unable to complete tasks.
2. LISTEN to your Teen. Stress is a product of the mind. So spend time listening to your children discuss what’s going on in their lives. Once you know what they are facing you can help them put things into perspective. You can also give them practical suggestions to help them get through their stress. And remember, listening really means not having an agenda. It means not waiting to make your point of view known, but to take in what your child says and “hear” it with your heart, not just your mind.
3. Exercise with Your Children. One of the greatest stress relievers is exercise. Stress was designed as a survival mechanism — the Flight or Fight Reflex. In today’s society, for the most part our stress is mental, not physical, but our bodies can’t tell the difference. They need physical exertion to burn off the chemicals that our brains produce when it perceives itself to be in danger. So, go jogging. Ride a bike. In my family we have Wii Fit Plus challenges to see who can top the other’s high scores. After a good round of exercise everyone will be in a better frame of mind and ready to tackle the challenges that exist in our lives.
4. Breathe. One of the key benefits of yoga and meditation exercises is the importance that is upon how you breathe. Deep breathing relaxes the body and the clears the mind. Deep breathing exercises are something that your child can do wherever they are when they find themselves becoming tense or upset.
5. Understand that Stress is Fear Gone Wild. We need to understand that stress is caused by fear. Teenagers are faced with a lot of uncertainties and questions about life that aren’t always readily apparent or even available. So explaining and teaching your child that Fear is actually “False Expectations Appearing Real.” That means that instead of focusing on the tasks that need to be taken care of to ensure success you’re allowing your imagination to create an ending (usually awful ending) and you put your belief in the imaginary ending rather than in what is looking you in the face. Do you have a test coming up? Rather than imagining all of the possible ways you’re going to fail this test, spend that energy on studying for the test, asking for help from the teacher if there’s something you don’t understand, etc.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. No one is immune to its effects. However, it is not something to be afraid of either. Children must understand that stress can be managed. Knowing that you are in control over your goals and outcomes is one of the best ways to combat stress. Life will go on past this crisis and, if handled properly, it can be better than it was before the crisis came. In my book Freshman Orientation you’ll find more detailed information for helping young people deal with the daily stress of life in a constructive way.

Why You Need a Home Fitness Plan

Physical fitness is one of the easiest ways to combat stress, develop a good mental attitude and develop confidence in your ability to succeed. No matter what endeavor one is taking, a well-designed plan is the key to achieving it. If you don’t have any strict guide to give you the right steps, it is difficult to accomplish anything. Attempting a new health diet and fitness program will never succeed if there is no strict plan, as without it, there is neither direction nor accountability to everything that you are doing. And it applies regardless of whether it is done at a gym center, at home, or even at the office.

Therefore, most of your actions, and results, if there is any, are unfocused and random. It results to an element of vagueness, where instead of being confident that you are doing the right thing you are simply guessing at what you should do and what achievement you will get. Another disadvantage is there is always a high tendency to expect high results. This is particularly true to people who embark on a new fitness and diet program. Fast results are often anticipated that it becomes unrealistic, which of course, end up only to disappointment and frustration.

Design a Long-Term Goal

If you are a home fitness fan, you simply don’t buy exercise equipment. You simply don’t use it to burn your calories and maintain your body in tip top shape only to find out afterwards you are gaining and becoming unhealthy again because you got bored with your routine and thus had stopped. You don’t eat whatever it is that your stomach and mouth are craving. The food intake works hand in hand with your workout plan to give you realistic results. You also don’t simply shove the equipment at a corner of your house whenever you don’t feel like working out.

It is important to remember that even though a home fitness program has more advantages than enrolling in a health and gym center, a carefully planned guide and discipline is a must to achieve results. If your goal is short-term, you are never going to live a well-balanced and healthy lifestyle. Therefore, making use of a home fitness program should not just be a short-term but a long-term goal that focuses on your overall health and well-being. The plan must be included with what food you should intake and how much rest you should have.

The time when you workout must be regular and has a routine, whether daily or several times a week. Keeping a checklist with you will help what direction you are going and how much accomplishment is received. To define your goal, you need to set straight what is it that you want and if you can stick to a specific home fitness and diet program for a long time without giving it up if you got bored. By knowing what you want, it will be easier for you to define the elements needed in attaining lifelong fitness and health.

There are many resources online as well as offline on things that you can do to help you with your fitness and diet goals. One resource is called The Body Tailor which is a CD that you can pop into your car’s player to help you attain your goal, whether it’s weight loss or just a desire to stay as fit as possible.

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

How Do You Show Love to Your Children?

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching and love is in the air. People everywhere are thinking of ways to show their loved ones how much they care. Some will be taking their loved ones out to dinners, Broadway shows or buying presents and flowers. But love really isn’t a subject that should only be showcased one day out of the year. And love isn’t something that you can buy. It’s something that we must demonstrate every day towards everyone, especially our children.

 

There are many ways to show love to our children. For some parents, showering them with gifts and money is their way of showing that they love them. In my mind, these parents have fallen into the trap of “False Compassion.” False Compassion is when we convince ourselves that the reason we do things is because we want to spare our children the “hard knocks of life.” So we give them things they haven’t yet earned, we don’t require them to do work because “they’ll have to work all their lives so they need to enjoy their freedom.” But what we sometimes fail to understand is that these “hard knocks,” are really the building blocks of life. It is during the teen years that they are supposed to get the experience that they need to handle the challenges that life will hand out to them. Practical experience is what these kids need to prepare themselves for adulthood. And if we love them, we’ll make sure that they get the experience they need.

 

Although in many states a child cannot begin secular work until they are 16 years of age, children can begin volunteering at a much younger age (I’ve seen as young as 8 years of age). You can find volunteering opportunities through you local churches and synagogues as well as through national organization such as VolunteerMatch. Try to find volunteer opportunities that you as a family are interested in. If you have a teen in your home, let them choose what interests them and support their choice. It doesn’t matter what they volunteer for — the important thing is that they get involved helping others.

 

The old saying, “Idle hands are the workshop of the Devil” is still as true today as when it was first spoken. Our young people are a vibrant and energetic resource that we need to tap into to help make the world a better place. When you are involved with showing love for others it builds self-esteem, a sense of pride and accomplishment. And people who are busy making a difference don’t have time for the drug scene.

 

So show your child that you love them by helping them show love to others in need. And ignore the complaints and sighs (it’s all for show anyway) and help your child find a volunteer opportunity that interests them. It’s the most enduring Valentine’s gift that you can give them.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Developing a Relationship with Your Teen

The time of adolescence from age 13 to 19 is a time of self discovery. It is a time for your teen to make his (or her) own decisions and learn the consequences of their choices. Many adolescents have exposure to drugs. As parents, you want to instill values in your teen for healthy choices and outcomes. So when they are offered drugs, they are comfortable and confident saying “no.” Here are three ways to stay involved with your teen during these years.

 

Pay attention to your teen. Watch for non-verbal cues. Are they with the same peer group or are they now hanging out with new friends that you haven’t met? Are their grades consistent? Do you notice any big changes in their lives?

 

Listen. Teens need someone to talk to – a sounding board. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your teen. There are times your teen just wants you to listen…..not to react, not to give advice. They want someone to hear their experience. If you are unsure what your teen wants, just ask. If she or she approaches you, are they looking for someone to listen or do they want advice on the situation? Be supportive, just listen. Ask a few non judgmental questions during the conversation. Show interest in his or her issues and be supportive of the child’s feelings.  

 

Make a connection with your teen. Teens are looking for something at which they excel. If they found it, wonderful, it will build confidence in them. Find a way to get involved with your teen in some way – say their interest is in tennis. Can you practice with them? Can you go watch their matches? Can you take pictures?

 

Find a way to get involved and stay connected with your teen. If he or she does not have a specific interest, offer some suggestions that you can explore together. Or keep it simple – take a walk together or a bicycle ride, go shoot some hoops or go fishing.

 

Teens who have a strong parent connection and feel their parents are willing to listen are less likely to experiment with alcohol or other drugs. They have higher self esteem and feel good about themselves.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

End of January Reflections

How many times did you get knocked down this month? And how many times did you pick yourself up? If you’re still lying down there, it’s time to pick yourself up, and move forward.

 

Sometimes in life, something rotten happens. Sometimes they happen all at once and you wonder “why me?” You’re knocked down. In my book “Knocked Down But Not Out!” I talk about the 7 steps to get back up no matter what. Remember, God never gives you more then He thinks you can handle.

 

It’s important to remember to get all the way back up. Make sure that you’re not harboring some resentm ent towards so meone, or that you’re still blaming yourself for a mistake. Take some time to sit down and journal out what might still be pulling your down, and decide to forgive completely, and then leave it to God.

 

You should start to feel an immediate peace in your heart. Share that peace and love where you can. It really will make this world a better place.

 

In the comments section, please write what is still holding you down, and what your plan is to work towards peace.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

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