How Do I Keep My Teenager Away from Drugs? Spend Quality Time Together

In working with teens, I hear time and time again that teens wish their parents would spend more time with them. Are you listening parents? Your teen is asking you to spend more time with them.

How can we spend more time together?

1. Family meals. How often are you eating together? Are you spending one meal a day eating with your family? Get your teen involved. Ask them to help in meal planning. Give them a chore – such as setting the table. Even better, maybe they enjoy cooking. Give them the reigns once or twice a week. Put them in charge of dinner and see what they can cook.

2. Exercise. Many teens are lacking in the exercise department. Ask your teen to take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner. This will give you some one-on-one time to talk. And exercise also raises your body’s endorphin levels which has a very positive effect on mood.

3. Praise your teen. When you catch your teen doing something right or making a good choice, praise them. Tell them that you’re impressed with their decision or hard work in school. Be specific and sincere. They may be embarrassed by the compliment, but it’ll go a long way to bolstering their self-esteem.

4. Encourage your teen to read. Find out what their interests are. Take a ride to the book store. Offer to buy them a book. If they have difficulty with reading, maybe they would prefer a magazine, stick with ones that are skill or hobby related – cars, horses or something of that nature, not gossip magazines. Reading feeds the mind the way that food feeds the body. If you have a reluctant reader or just want a change of pace, visit the library and take out a few audiobooks and listen to them in the car together. It’ll give you something extra to discuss and enjoy together.

5. Encourage your teen to work. It is rewarding to have a job and receive a pay check. Then your teen can also learn financial responsibility. However in today’s market, teens are the hardest hit in difficulty finding a job. If your teen is hitting a wall with finding a job, suggest an entrepreneurial adventure, such as lawn cutting, landscaping or babysitting. There are also online businesses they can make money in such as selling items on Ebay or if they are crafty, perhaps opening an Etsy store to sell their creations. The two of you could work together on a plan or a business.

6. Volunteer. If finding a job or an entrepreneurial adventure is unsuccessful, suggest a volunteer opportunity. It may be something the two of you can do together. Find something they are interested in. You want to keep them busy. When your teens volunteer, they will learn skills, network and help others. There are a variety of volunteer opportunities that you can find online from the United Way

So many teenagers say they use drugs because they are “bored.” Don’t let your teen become one of the statistics. Spend time with your teen. Help them discover and use their interests and talents to help themselves build and live a successful and happy life.

Discover how to maximize your strengths and reach your full potential with this FREE TELESEMINAR Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Teach Your Teens How to Manage Stress

Are your teens under stress? You bet! Stress is one of the reasons that teens begin using drugs and/or alcohol. Throughout their careers as students they are subject to high anxiety during school finals, important sports events or just because they feel that they can’t meet their family’s expectations. When you add peer pressure and the natural desire to fit in as their bodies and minds are transitioning from childhood to adulthood (and all that entails) you can see why teenagers might easily fall into the trap of instant gratification and escape through drugs.

As parents it’s our responsibility to teach our children the best ways to handle the things that life throws at them. Here are some tips on how to best help your teenagers through this turbulent time of life:

1. Know Your Teen. It is important to be familiar of your teen’s behavior so that you can help them before their stress levels become overwhelming. Stress affects people in many different ways. Some teens may experience health issues such as stomach aches, headaches, backaches or insomnia. Other people become angry, have intense mood swings, isolate themselves from other, or suffer from depression. Others may exhibit poor concentration, panic attacks, confusion, or be unable to complete tasks.
2. LISTEN to your Teen. Stress is a product of the mind. So spend time listening to your children discuss what’s going on in their lives. Once you know what they are facing you can help them put things into perspective. You can also give them practical suggestions to help them get through their stress. And remember, listening really means not having an agenda. It means not waiting to make your point of view known, but to take in what your child says and “hear” it with your heart, not just your mind.
3. Exercise with Your Children. One of the greatest stress relievers is exercise. Stress was designed as a survival mechanism — the Flight or Fight Reflex. In today’s society, for the most part our stress is mental, not physical, but our bodies can’t tell the difference. They need physical exertion to burn off the chemicals that our brains produce when it perceives itself to be in danger. So, go jogging. Ride a bike. In my family we have Wii Fit Plus challenges to see who can top the other’s high scores. After a good round of exercise everyone will be in a better frame of mind and ready to tackle the challenges that exist in our lives.
4. Breathe. One of the key benefits of yoga and meditation exercises is the importance that is upon how you breathe. Deep breathing relaxes the body and the clears the mind. Deep breathing exercises are something that your child can do wherever they are when they find themselves becoming tense or upset.
5. Understand that Stress is Fear Gone Wild. We need to understand that stress is caused by fear. Teenagers are faced with a lot of uncertainties and questions about life that aren’t always readily apparent or even available. So explaining and teaching your child that Fear is actually “False Expectations Appearing Real.” That means that instead of focusing on the tasks that need to be taken care of to ensure success you’re allowing your imagination to create an ending (usually awful ending) and you put your belief in the imaginary ending rather than in what is looking you in the face. Do you have a test coming up? Rather than imagining all of the possible ways you’re going to fail this test, spend that energy on studying for the test, asking for help from the teacher if there’s something you don’t understand, etc.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. No one is immune to its effects. However, it is not something to be afraid of either. Children must understand that stress can be managed. Knowing that you are in control over your goals and outcomes is one of the best ways to combat stress. Life will go on past this crisis and, if handled properly, it can be better than it was before the crisis came. In my book Freshman Orientation you’ll find more detailed information for helping young people deal with the daily stress of life in a constructive way.

Why You Need a Home Fitness Plan

Physical fitness is one of the easiest ways to combat stress, develop a good mental attitude and develop confidence in your ability to succeed. No matter what endeavor one is taking, a well-designed plan is the key to achieving it. If you don’t have any strict guide to give you the right steps, it is difficult to accomplish anything. Attempting a new health diet and fitness program will never succeed if there is no strict plan, as without it, there is neither direction nor accountability to everything that you are doing. And it applies regardless of whether it is done at a gym center, at home, or even at the office.

Therefore, most of your actions, and results, if there is any, are unfocused and random. It results to an element of vagueness, where instead of being confident that you are doing the right thing you are simply guessing at what you should do and what achievement you will get. Another disadvantage is there is always a high tendency to expect high results. This is particularly true to people who embark on a new fitness and diet program. Fast results are often anticipated that it becomes unrealistic, which of course, end up only to disappointment and frustration.

Design a Long-Term Goal

If you are a home fitness fan, you simply don’t buy exercise equipment. You simply don’t use it to burn your calories and maintain your body in tip top shape only to find out afterwards you are gaining and becoming unhealthy again because you got bored with your routine and thus had stopped. You don’t eat whatever it is that your stomach and mouth are craving. The food intake works hand in hand with your workout plan to give you realistic results. You also don’t simply shove the equipment at a corner of your house whenever you don’t feel like working out.

It is important to remember that even though a home fitness program has more advantages than enrolling in a health and gym center, a carefully planned guide and discipline is a must to achieve results. If your goal is short-term, you are never going to live a well-balanced and healthy lifestyle. Therefore, making use of a home fitness program should not just be a short-term but a long-term goal that focuses on your overall health and well-being. The plan must be included with what food you should intake and how much rest you should have.

The time when you workout must be regular and has a routine, whether daily or several times a week. Keeping a checklist with you will help what direction you are going and how much accomplishment is received. To define your goal, you need to set straight what is it that you want and if you can stick to a specific home fitness and diet program for a long time without giving it up if you got bored. By knowing what you want, it will be easier for you to define the elements needed in attaining lifelong fitness and health.

There are many resources online as well as offline on things that you can do to help you with your fitness and diet goals. One resource is called The Body Tailor which is a CD that you can pop into your car’s player to help you attain your goal, whether it’s weight loss or just a desire to stay as fit as possible.

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

How Do You Show Love to Your Children?

Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching and love is in the air. People everywhere are thinking of ways to show their loved ones how much they care. Some will be taking their loved ones out to dinners, Broadway shows or buying presents and flowers. But love really isn’t a subject that should only be showcased one day out of the year. And love isn’t something that you can buy. It’s something that we must demonstrate every day towards everyone, especially our children.

 

There are many ways to show love to our children. For some parents, showering them with gifts and money is their way of showing that they love them. In my mind, these parents have fallen into the trap of “False Compassion.” False Compassion is when we convince ourselves that the reason we do things is because we want to spare our children the “hard knocks of life.” So we give them things they haven’t yet earned, we don’t require them to do work because “they’ll have to work all their lives so they need to enjoy their freedom.” But what we sometimes fail to understand is that these “hard knocks,” are really the building blocks of life. It is during the teen years that they are supposed to get the experience that they need to handle the challenges that life will hand out to them. Practical experience is what these kids need to prepare themselves for adulthood. And if we love them, we’ll make sure that they get the experience they need.

 

Although in many states a child cannot begin secular work until they are 16 years of age, children can begin volunteering at a much younger age (I’ve seen as young as 8 years of age). You can find volunteering opportunities through you local churches and synagogues as well as through national organization such as VolunteerMatch. Try to find volunteer opportunities that you as a family are interested in. If you have a teen in your home, let them choose what interests them and support their choice. It doesn’t matter what they volunteer for — the important thing is that they get involved helping others.

 

The old saying, “Idle hands are the workshop of the Devil” is still as true today as when it was first spoken. Our young people are a vibrant and energetic resource that we need to tap into to help make the world a better place. When you are involved with showing love for others it builds self-esteem, a sense of pride and accomplishment. And people who are busy making a difference don’t have time for the drug scene.

 

So show your child that you love them by helping them show love to others in need. And ignore the complaints and sighs (it’s all for show anyway) and help your child find a volunteer opportunity that interests them. It’s the most enduring Valentine’s gift that you can give them.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Developing a Relationship with Your Teen

The time of adolescence from age 13 to 19 is a time of self discovery. It is a time for your teen to make his (or her) own decisions and learn the consequences of their choices. Many adolescents have exposure to drugs. As parents, you want to instill values in your teen for healthy choices and outcomes. So when they are offered drugs, they are comfortable and confident saying “no.” Here are three ways to stay involved with your teen during these years.

 

Pay attention to your teen. Watch for non-verbal cues. Are they with the same peer group or are they now hanging out with new friends that you haven’t met? Are their grades consistent? Do you notice any big changes in their lives?

 

Listen. Teens need someone to talk to – a sounding board. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your teen. There are times your teen just wants you to listen…..not to react, not to give advice. They want someone to hear their experience. If you are unsure what your teen wants, just ask. If she or she approaches you, are they looking for someone to listen or do they want advice on the situation? Be supportive, just listen. Ask a few non judgmental questions during the conversation. Show interest in his or her issues and be supportive of the child’s feelings.  

 

Make a connection with your teen. Teens are looking for something at which they excel. If they found it, wonderful, it will build confidence in them. Find a way to get involved with your teen in some way – say their interest is in tennis. Can you practice with them? Can you go watch their matches? Can you take pictures?

 

Find a way to get involved and stay connected with your teen. If he or she does not have a specific interest, offer some suggestions that you can explore together. Or keep it simple – take a walk together or a bicycle ride, go shoot some hoops or go fishing.

 

Teens who have a strong parent connection and feel their parents are willing to listen are less likely to experiment with alcohol or other drugs. They have higher self esteem and feel good about themselves.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

End of January Reflections

How many times did you get knocked down this month? And how many times did you pick yourself up? If you’re still lying down there, it’s time to pick yourself up, and move forward.

 

Sometimes in life, something rotten happens. Sometimes they happen all at once and you wonder “why me?” You’re knocked down. In my book “Knocked Down But Not Out!” I talk about the 7 steps to get back up no matter what. Remember, God never gives you more then He thinks you can handle.

 

It’s important to remember to get all the way back up. Make sure that you’re not harboring some resentm ent towards so meone, or that you’re still blaming yourself for a mistake. Take some time to sit down and journal out what might still be pulling your down, and decide to forgive completely, and then leave it to God.

 

You should start to feel an immediate peace in your heart. Share that peace and love where you can. It really will make this world a better place.

 

In the comments section, please write what is still holding you down, and what your plan is to work towards peace.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

What Are You Teaching Your Child When You Celebrate?

Did you know that Jamie Lee Curtis quit drinking because she thought it was teacher her children the wrong message? We all know she had her problems with drug abuse, and how it caused problems in her life and her career. She then put that past her, and lived what seems to be an honest and caring life, writing children’s books dealing with rough issues like how to fit in.

 

However, at some point, she decided to quit drinking. Ms. Curtis said that she realized that she was teaching her daughter that she drank when she celebrated, and was afraid that her daughter would go off as a teenager and drink to celebrate her milestones.

 

In my book “Parenting By Example,” I talk about how important it is to be consistent, and a good role model. It’s not easy to look at yourself and the choices that you make unconsciously. However, it’s better to look at what you’re doing now, and be honest with your family rather than deal with the consequences of your child dying because they were celebrating, and overdid it.

 

Every year, kids in fraternities die because they don’t know enough not to over-drink. They’re celebrating starting college, or celebrating midterms being over, or celebrating getting good grades.

And they learned it from you. They saw you pulling out the champagne for anniversaries, or birthdays, or holiday celebrations.

 

I’m not saying don’t drink or celebrate. What I am saying is that the focus of the celebration should not be on the alcohol. And it is important to talk with your child about the consequences of drinking.

 

What are some other ways you could celebrate milestones and holidays without alcohol?

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Are You A Person of Your Word?

Every January we make promises and plans of what we expect to accomplish in the coming year. We make resolutions and vows to keep them. But how often do we actually accomplish it? And with each failure to keep them, what are we teaching our children?

 

As you know education is very important to me and I came across an article about the way the Founders of our country were educated. And one thing that really stood out for me was this concept of Say-Hear-Do-See. In a nutshell, first we speak our intentions, then we hear ourselves speak our intentions, from there we do what we say and see the results.

 

This brought the concept of being “a man of my word” sharply to focus. For all the chatting, texting, speaking, and videos how many of us are really people of our word? When you speak a promise or your intention, how often do you actually follow through?

 

As a culture, we are more apt to make excuses for why we don’t do what we say. And worst yet, in many cases people have other people who give them excuses for their lack of honor. If you’re a parent you’ve probably heard them. 

 

“Billy, why didn’t you do better on this test? Didn’t you study?”

 

• “Sure mom I studied, but that teacher just isn’t very fair. “
• “That teacher’s mean and gives too much homework. “
• “And I don’t think she likes me …”

 

And the list goes on. Nowadays, we have doctors and psychologists who have ready-made excuses for why children aren’t doing the things that need to be done.  Now, I’m not saying that there are no conditions that are genetic in nature that may cause behavioral problems. What I am saying is that just because a child has a “diagnosis” of ADD or ADHD or whatever is not an excuse for bad behavior, disrespect and a marked lack of responsibility. It may take more work or structure to help a child bring their behavior in check, but it is not impossible. Unfortunately many parents take that diagnosis as an excuse not to provide the loving discipline that the child needs.

 

So, what’s to be done about this epidemic of excuses? Well, for one thing, parents need to pay careful attention to what comes out of their mouths. If you make it a daily practice to think before you speak and once you have spoken to do what you said, you will be setting a fine example for your children. This is not an easy task, but a necessary one if you want to raise children who feel honor-bound to keep their word no matter what. So, if you promise to do something with your children, even if it is inconvenient for, you have to follow through. Showing that you are a person of your word fosters a bond of trust between both you and your child. It will also make you, as a parent, more thoughtful about the things that you say to your children.

 

Once you become the parent who is honorable and trustworthy you are well on your way of developing a child who will display these qualities as well throughout their lives. So remember SAY — HEAR — DO — SEE the results of your good example. Parenting by example is just another way to give your child their best chance at remaining drug-free. 

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

WANTED! Parents Who Care

You’d think that would be everyone, wouldn’t you? You’d think it would even be you. But look in a mirror and ask yourself:

 * Am I a consistent parent?

 * Am I a positive role model?

 As a parent who cares, it’s important to set boundaries that are appropriate for each child, and consistently enforce them. When you say, “No snacks before dinner,” and they palm some crackers, do you let it go because you don’t think it’s worth making an issue? Well, if you didn’t think it was an issue, then why did you set out a boundary? If you did think it was important enough to have a boundary, then it’s important enough to follow through with the consequences such as no dessert, or not TV after dinner.

 

The kids are watching us closely. If we tell them that there’s a boundary, then we need to enforce it consistently. Otherwise, we need to be clear with them and ourselves that there is no boundary. Think first before setting down a rule, and then make sure you follow up.

Also, ensure that the consequences are consistent with the violation. You don’t want to go overboard and ground him for a week for palming the crackers. Also, ensure that the consequence is connected to the rule. For example, if you caught your daughter cheating on a test, you may want to have her write you a ten page report on cheating, but you wouldn’t take away dessert or allowance for a month because it’s not connected back to the lesson that you’re trying to teach.

 

Also, don’t forget to reward the good. If you tell your child that good grades and education are important, and they’re on the honor roll for three quarters, have a party. Let your child know how much you appreciate their hard work. Plus, rewarding good behavior is far more fun for everyone. Don’t shy away from being tough on the consequences just because it’s not fun. It’s part of your job as a caring parent.

 

And make sure you look in that mirror regularly. If you told your child not to cheat, what are they going to think when you call the credit card company and tell them that it was their mistake that they didn’t properly credit your account and ask for a refund of the late fee when the whole family knows you were late in sending the payment?

Or sees you hiding some shoes you bought when both you and your spouse agreed that you wouldn’t spend any more money for awhile.

 

Be the parent who cares. Doing the tough stuff now is far easier than trying to fix the problems later.

 

Join me on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 12 noon EST or 9 p.m. EST

Making Right Choices

Making Right Choices

What would you do if a judge told you that there was a possibility of not seeing the light of day for the next 25 years? What would you do if you had a wife and young son that were now being snatched away from you because of your own actions? How do you dry a mother’s tears who is seeing her son as if she were looking at him for the last time?

These are questions that no one should have to answer, let alone face in real life. But the truth is that it is happening everyday in our communities. Young men are making bad choices daily that are affecting the rest of their lives in an awful way. The rate of incarceration within our young population is on the rise. Something has to be done.

I decided to start a blog to chronicle my travels throughout the country and share my thoughts on a variety of topics I speak about to hundreds of folks who lives I motivate to Make The Right Choices which in turns inspires me to continue doing the work that I do.

I invite you to share your thoughts and commentary here on my new blog as we sojourn together along this path of “turning unlimited possibilities into unlimited success” to corporations, churches and our youth.

Be sure to check out my website: www.KDHardy.com

Making a Difference